1987 Bubba "Crankshaft" Lardell LA Gear Monte Carlo

Bubba "Crankshaft" Lardell was, by all accounts, one of NASCAR's more... memorable drivers, though not necessarily in the way one might expect. Born in the backwoods of Alabama, Lardell’s introduction to racing was less about the sport’s prestigious history and more about a strong sense of local pride and a rather pronounced taste for fried foods. He made his debut in the 1983 season, entering the circuit with a car that was far less aerodynamic than most, and instead seemed better suited to hauling hay bales or transporting large quantities of barbecue. The car, affectionately dubbed "The Biscuit Bullet," was an unconventional mix of speed and swagger—if you considered "swagger" to mean being able to spin out with remarkable consistency. Lardell’s racing style quickly became a subject of both fascination and concern. While others took cautious, calculated approaches to the track, Bubba’s strategy was simple: accelerate, then pray. His cornering technique—more of a drift—was likened to a car whose brakes had been put on sale in favor of a second helping of collard greens. More often than not, his impressive speed was overshadowed by his equally impressive ability to narrowly avoid the wall—sometimes. His pit stops were always a spectacle. While others adjusted tire pressure and checked fuel levels, Lardell’s crew was often seen hastily ensuring that his seatbelt wasn’t tangled with the various snacks he kept in his pockets. His pit crew, who had come to expect a barrage of slightly confused radio calls, once reported he had requested "three more gallons of sweet tea" before a race, only to be reminded that it was, in fact, a fuel tank they were working with. Lardell’s signature pre-race mantra—"If you ain't first, you're toast. But I'm more of a biscuit man, myself"—became a fan favorite, though it never really caught on as a motivational quote in corporate America. Despite his unusual methods, Lardell managed to secure a few top-20 finishes, mostly due to sheer willpower and a trackside snack stand that happened to fall in his favor during the right race. He retired from NASCAR in 1989 after an incident involving an overzealous attempt at impressing fans with a burnout at a local cookout. He later turned to teaching young racers the art of "crankshafting," which was less of a technique and more of a lifestyle—one that involved ample greasy food, questionable life choices, and an unforgettable amount of charm. Bubba "Crankshaft" Lardell never won a championship, but he did manage to win the hearts of many, mostly by promising free biscuits at his pit stops.